Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
