THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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