i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize