She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
