To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
