i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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