Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ttyl tear gas
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
