; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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