the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
