literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
