how can u be prego again
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
