do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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