girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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