before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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