Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
