is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
