I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
