she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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