so that wasnt chicken after all
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just had sex bonerless
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
