Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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