Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
