He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
