I think I won the penis lottery.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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