Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We are all done wearing pants today
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
