She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
