She said her name was "party"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
