My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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