And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
