The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
