we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
