i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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