i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
