dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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