Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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