dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
