If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
