winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
