# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
