people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
