Who wears a wallet chain?!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
