he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
