**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
