wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't turn off my feet"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
