I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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