Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
