there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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