You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
