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i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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