So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
