I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He better not be in your backpack
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
