dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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