Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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