u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
