i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
