How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
