I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
