what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
