I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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