Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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