I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
