break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
