I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
