her vagine was all disorganized.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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