I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So much rum. So many feels.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
