nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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