hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize