I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They left me at home... I'm a liability
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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