Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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