Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
