She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
