I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize